<!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } -->
When you're in denial, there's nothing more annoying than someone wanting you to talk about things like feelings and fears. I've learned (still am) that when I'm in denial, Fear Dominates!
Following most traumatic occurences in my life, I tend to run from reality and masterfully devise the perfect escape route. A hide-out. Kinda like the treehouse i remember as a kid. I would retreat to that treehouse in a desperate attempt to protect myself from the evil that lurked all around me.
For me, Denial had become a matter of self-preservation, in addition to my overwhelming desire, my need to protect my family from more pain. More hurt. As far as I was concerned, the task that lay before me while daunting at times, was still something I could handle... alone. I mean, c'mon. I was a gymnast. I was strong. I was a survivor. I just wanted to spare everyone I loved from any more pain. I mean, I can handle it. I just couldn't stand seeing how much pain this whole thing was causing them.
However, in retrospect, I realize that by doing so, I created the proverbial situation of no one wanting to address the elephant in the room.
I've learned over the years, that at some point, in order to make it through - in order to Evolve - we must acknowledge the beast!
<!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } -->
TRIP HOME
DAY 12
PART I
Moab.
It just doesn't get any more beautiful than the twisty windy roads off the 191 that lead ya into and throughout Moab. It was nearly impossible to keep my eyes on the road. With no guardrails which have always give me some sense of safety from the cliffs that hang below such moutainous roads, with each and every turn around the bend, the splendor grew. I just kept saying, actually screaming, Wow. Wow. Wow. No word exists that can truly capture the true essence of such natural beauty. I was completely awe-stricken. Speechless. A rare thing for me indeed.
We stopped at Eddie McStiff's and had lunch. Met some of the locals, though really, most of “the locals” were tourists who had visited Moab, and never really left. We jumped back on the road and with each turn, another gasp. Another wow. We blazed past Lake Powell. Ahhh. I just longed for some way to capture this beauty so I could bring it home to John and share the experience with my family, my friends, everyone! I guess that's part of what makes something like this so special – the fact that it's your experience. You can't bottle it. You can't even be sure that the person riding ahead of you, or behind you sees or senses the same thing you do. It's just so personal. It's somehting that lives in your heart. You can't share it even if you tried. It belongs to you and only you. It's healing, cathartic and just meant for me. That moment changes you. It also addressed some much needed work I've need to do on myself for some time. Living in the moment. And for the first time for as long as I can remember, I was 100 % present. I wasn't thinking about all of the challenges awaiting me at home... lookin for work, tending to the garden, etc.
That's about the time I started really getting homesick. Even though I was surrounded by all this wander, but we'd been on the road, almost 2 weeks. It was literally 110 degrees and the days seemed so long, even though we stopped each day by 4 or 5 pm.
After Moab and Lake Powell, we headed into a sleepy little town, Blanding, Utah. It was just before dusk and we pulled into a gas station there. As I was filling up, a man pulled up and began asking how I liked my Trike. He actually owned 4 Harleys. He was with his 2 grandkids, teenagers, who also loved to ride. We told him we were headed home to California, and were plannin on riding on another hour or so before stopping for the night. He and his wife had been riding for years. He's also a Vietnam Vet and his son served in Iraq. Since he lived right around the corner, he knew the area well and warned us about deer being on the road and recommended we stop in Blanding for the night.
We made a collective decision and decided he was right. Darlene & I followed him over to his house and met his wife. They're great people. I shot a video of them on my phone and asked permission to post it here. To me, they embody the message of the Courage Community and all that we stand for. It's wondrous, ya just meet good people everywhere ya go.
The next morning we left Blanding and rode through the Ceremonial grounds of Kayenta. I lost myself in the grandiose beauty and magic of my surroundings. I pulled over to one of the roadside tents where some of the Natives were selling their crafts. I bought my momma an arrowhead. My pawpaw used to collect arrowheads. He would have loved Kayenta. We stopped at a little place for lunch and drank about 4 gallons of water. It was HOT! And the longer we rode the hotter it got. We ascertained that it was another 130 miles to Arizona. At this point, things started getting a little wearisome. The heat was taking a toll on our bodies. But we decided to forge on. It was a collective decision to go ahead inspite of the heat. We Not once did we ever take any chances regarding our safety. We were a team, and made each decision along the way as a team. There was no fear of expression any hesitation or self-doubt. Had one of us voiced any hesitation -
sensitive of each others needs and made decisions as a group.
But we forged on. We finally reached the southern tip of the Grand Canyon. We stopped for a final fuel up and the cashier told us about a town Seligman which was only an additional 40 miles up the road. We had made it to the I-40 and since the hot sun had begun to seep below the canyons, bringing in the welcomed cool evening air.
We rode along the southern tip of the grand canyon and rode on another 40 miles when we decided to stop for the night.
We checked into a quaint little motel on Route 66 in Seligman, AZ. After settling in, I rolled over to the Roadkill Cafe! I hung with the locals, knocked back a few, swapped stories and shared some laughs ... and tears. Happy ones though, reflecting on our personal journeys and how we all seem to find that common niche through the struggles we face in life.
STILLS FROM OPRAH's BIG GIVE
STILLS FROM OPRAH's BIG GIVE
STILLS FROM OPRAH's BIG GIVE
STILLS FROM OPRAH's BIG GIVE
STILLS FROM OPRAH's BIG GIVE
AIN'T NOTHIN IN THE WORLD LIKE CONNECTING WITH OLD FRIENDS WHO GET YOU.... MINUS PAT DONOVAN'S RESPONSE THAT I AM "KINDA HOLLYWOOD!" PAT, SLEEP & HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSEPCTIVE TOMORROW. LOVE YOU ALWAYS.... AND NO. THAT LOVE YA BIT IS SINCERE AS ALL GET OUT. TELL ME DIFFERENTLY MY FRIEND.
WHAT A GREAT FEW DAYS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. Y'ALL HAVE AN INFECTIOUS ENERGY THAT WE ALL NEED TO EXPERIENCE. YOU'RE A WISE MAN MY FRIEND ( I WON'T BERADE YOU WITH MEMORIES PAST) - WE ALL GROW FROM LIFE EXPERIENCES AND I THANK FATE FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!
BLAH, JUST FEEL LIKE YALLS PERSONAL STORY OF SELF-DISCOVERY WILL RESONATE WITH COUNTLESS INDIVIDUALS.
THAT BEING SAID, DAMN, I LOVE YOU. IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT 20+ YEARS HAS PROVEN YOUR CONSISTENCY AND IS A TRUE MARK OF THE MAN YOU ARE. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL SECOND (AND THIRD AND FOURTH AND SO ON) THAT EMOTION.
LOVE YOU AND YOUR HEART. AND THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME AS A RESULT OF DOING THE WORK.
NOW HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THOSE DAMN PANCAKES FROM THE PLACE WE SHARED BREAKFAST WTIH ANGIE AND JOEY K.
DAMN I LOVE Y'ALL.
KISS KISS~
C
AIN'T NOTHIN IN THE WORLD LIKE CONNECTING WITH OLD FRIENDS WHO GET YOU.... MINUS PAT DONOVAN'S RESPONSE THAT I AM "KINDA HOLLYWOOD!" PAT, SLEEP & HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSEPCTIVE TOMORROW. LOVE YOU ALWAYS.... AND NO. THAT LOVE YA BIT IS SINCERE AS ALL GET OUT. TELL ME DIFFERENTLY MY FRIEND.
WHAT A GREAT FEW DAYS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. Y'ALL HAVE AN INFECTIOUS ENERGY THAT WE ALL NEED TO EXPERIENCE. YOU'RE A WISE MAN MY FRIEND ( I WON'T BERADE YOU WITH MEMORIES PAST) - WE ALL GROW FROM LIFE EXPERIENCES AND I THANK FATE FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!
BLAH, JUST FEEL LIKE YALLS PERSONAL STORY OF SELF-DISCOVERY WILL RESONATE WITH COUNTLESS INDIVIDUALS.
THAT BEING SAID, DAMN, I LOVE YOU. IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT 20+ YEARS HAS PROVEN YOUR CONSISTENCY AND IS A TRUE MARK OF THE MAN YOU ARE. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL SECOND (AND THIRD AND FOURTH AND SO ON) THAT EMOTION.
LOVE YOU AND YOUR HEART. AND THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME AS A RESULT OF DOING THE WORK.
NOW HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THOSE DAMN PANCAKES FROM THE PLACE WE SHARED BREAKFAST WTIH ANGIE AND JOEY K.
DAMN I LOVE Y'ALL.
KISS KISS~
C
AIN'T NOTHIN IN THE WORLD LIKE CONNECTING WITH OLD FRIENDS WHO GET YOU.... MINUS PAT DONOVAN'S RESPONSE THAT I AM "KINDA HOLLYWOOD!" PAT, SLEEP & HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSEPCTIVE TOMORROW. LOVE YOU ALWAYS.... AND NO. THAT LOVE YA BIT IS SINCERE AS ALL GET OUT. TELL ME DIFFERENTLY MY FRIEND.
WHAT A GREAT FEW DAYS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. Y'ALL HAVE AN INFECTIOUS ENERGY THAT WE ALL NEED TO EXPERIENCE. YOU'RE A WISE MAN MY FRIEND ( I WON'T BERADE YOU WITH MEMORIES PAST) - WE ALL GROW FROM LIFE EXPERIENCES AND I THANK FATE FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!
BLAH, JUST FEEL LIKE YALLS PERSONAL STORY OF SELF-DISCOVERY WILL RESONATE WITH COUNTLESS INDIVIDUALS.
THAT BEING SAID, DAMN, I LOVE YOU. IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT 20+ YEARS HAS PROVEN YOUR CONSISTENCY AND IS A TRUE MARK OF THE MAN YOU ARE. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL SECOND (AND THIRD AND FOURTH AND SO ON) THAT EMOTION.
LOVE YOU AND YOUR HEART. AND THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME AS A RESULT OF DOING THE WORK.
NOW HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THOSE DAMN PANCAKES FROM THE PLACE WE SHARED BREAKFAST WTIH ANGIE AND JOEY K.
DAMN I LOVE Y'ALL.
KISS KISS~
C
AIN'T NOTHIN IN THE WORLD LIKE CONNECTING WITH OLD FRIENDS WHO GET YOU.... MINUS PAT DONOVAN'S RESPONSE THAT I AM "KINDA HOLLYWOOD!" PAT, SLEEP & HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSEPCTIVE TOMORROW. LOVE YOU ALWAYS.... AND NO. THAT LOVE YA BIT IS SINCERE AS ALL GET OUT. TELL ME DIFFERENTLY MY FRIEND.
WHAT A GREAT FEW DAYS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. Y'ALL HAVE AN INFECTIOUS ENERGY THAT WE ALL NEED TO EXPERIENCE. YOU'RE A WISE MAN MY FRIEND ( I WON'T BERADE YOU WITH MEMORIES PAST) - WE ALL GROW FROM LIFE EXPERIENCES AND I THANK FATE FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!
BLAH, JUST FEEL LIKE YALLS PERSONAL STORY OF SELF-DISCOVERY WILL RESONATE WITH COUNTLESS INDIVIDUALS.
THAT BEING SAID, DAMN, I LOVE YOU. IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT 20+ YEARS HAS PROVEN YOUR CONSISTENCY AND IS A TRUE MARK OF THE MAN YOU ARE. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL SECOND (AND THIRD AND FOURTH AND SO ON) THAT EMOTION.
LOVE YOU AND YOUR HEART. AND THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME AS A RESULT OF DOING THE WORK.
NOW HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THOSE DAMN PANCAKES FROM THE PLACE WE SHARED BREAKFAST WTIH ANGIE AND JOEY K.
DAMN I LOVE Y'ALL.
KISS KISS~
C
AIN'T NOTHIN IN THE WORLD LIKE CONNECTING WITH OLD FRIENDS WHO GET YOU.... MINUS PAT DONOVAN'S RESPONSE THAT I AM "KINDA HOLLYWOOD!" PAT, SLEEP & HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSEPCTIVE TOMORROW. LOVE YOU ALWAYS.... AND NO. THAT LOVE YA BIT IS SINCERE AS ALL GET OUT. TELL ME DIFFERENTLY MY FRIEND.
WHAT A GREAT FEW DAYS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. Y'ALL HAVE AN INFECTIOUS ENERGY THAT WE ALL NEED TO EXPERIENCE. YOU'RE A WISE MAN MY FRIEND ( I WON'T BERADE YOU WITH MEMORIES PAST) - WE ALL GROW FROM LIFE EXPERIENCES AND I THANK FATE FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE!
BLAH, JUST FEEL LIKE YALLS PERSONAL STORY OF SELF-DISCOVERY WILL RESONATE WITH COUNTLESS INDIVIDUALS.
THAT BEING SAID, DAMN, I LOVE YOU. IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT 20+ YEARS HAS PROVEN YOUR CONSISTENCY AND IS A TRUE MARK OF THE MAN YOU ARE. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL SECOND (AND THIRD AND FOURTH AND SO ON) THAT EMOTION.
LOVE YOU AND YOUR HEART. AND THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME AS A RESULT OF DOING THE WORK.
NOW HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THOSE DAMN PANCAKES FROM THE PLACE WE SHARED BREAKFAST WTIH ANGIE AND JOEY K.
DAMN I LOVE Y'ALL.
KISS KISS~
C
| c.2009 The Courage Community Foundation, a registered 501c(3) non-profit organization |
